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Long Distance Relationship

by S.A. Bach

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1.
she told me i was beautiful one time i wonder if she'd even recall oh flaky one forgetful one make me feel like i'm nothin' at all my first memory of her: i was 6 and she was 4 i was jealous she already knew how to read i guess that little bitch was always one step ahead of me next memory's of making an ass of myself at her birthday party i kept raising my hand when the clown asked us questions for some reason that was really funny i don't remember her being there but she says that she was at my pirate party 'twas the greatest party i told her she was beautiful once or twice i wonder if it fazed her at all elusive one unavoidable one how many times i gotta fall? when me & my dad went to stay at their house i was 14 and she was 12 she went somewhere with her mom and her brother and i was in her room by myself i have this absurdly well-lit memory of reading shakespeare in her bunkbed it ain't fair, all the crazy new colors you can use to tint the old pictures in your head like she told me one time how she remembered thinking i was suave back in those days ain't nothin' like the exclusive past tense to drive the last shred of hope away but it's still around and it comes out at strange times like right now when strange lines leave my mouth, too dull to cut the strange vines that keep me out of her heart but sure 'nough she told me i was beautiful, one time i told her i was falling pretty hard for her in an email i wrote about a year ago i told her i was shy and i told her i was dumb and i told her she was beautiful she wrote back saying she was taken so i never did find out if she had ever actually wanted me at all and that's how she inspired several good songs and i feel a bunch more coming on cause last night i went out to north hollywood to see her band's debut felt like i was right back in the thick of it from out of the blue and the one thing i felt sure i had over her turns out she has that too ain't nothin' like somebody younger and smarter and wiser and better and cuter and sweeter to make you feel like you're pissing your life away and drive that last shred of hope away but it's still around and it comes out at strange times like right now when strange rhymes leave my mouth, too dumb to nick the strange vines that keep me out of her heart but sure 'nough she told me i was beautiful one time so i guess maybe i was beautiful at one time
2.
Driveway 03:33
I could barely believe the love I'd found It made me say, 'I guess I'm all grown up now' But a moment later my jaw dropped to the ground She'd pulled into my driveway just to turn around If you don't want me, I'd rather not ask Emotions get the best of me, and I the worst of them The truth makes me wanna pretend D'ya want me to not ask? I could drink a case of you, I still might not get full But if I just walk away, I won't look like a fool Well maybe I'm afraid to lose, to try, to get, and to have But I'll catch you later on, screamin' from the past Emotion gets the best of me, and I the worst of it The truth is full of shit D'ya want me to not ask? Don't you want me to not ask? I traveled the world, just lookin' around Then she came and found me on solid ground But that's when I heard my least favorite sound She pulled back out my driveway, she was just turnin' around Once again I sang a song not knowing what it meant You were sent to enlighten me, weren't you? Once again I wrote a song without believing in it And you came to convince me, didn't you? You'll leave me in the dust But I am not as I was I am better off because Now the song runs in my blood And my hope is gone for good I could barely believe the love I'd found Couldn't help but say, 'I guess I'm all grown up now' But to this day, I can't wrap my mind around it She pulled into my driveway just to turn around
3.
when i look at you all i can see is all the work i'll have to do to even half-assedly try i'm much too insecure to deal with this uncertainty so i'll have to be a man and set you free i can't deal with it, not knowing exactly how you feel every minute of the day are you going my way? i'll go around see you in my dreams when i talk to you it feels like work it's almost all that i can do to even look into your eyes i'm much too smart for you and you are much too pretty for me so i'll have to be a man and set you free i can't deal with it, not knowing exactly how you'll feel every second of every day are you going my way? i'll go around see you in my dreams the memory will eventually move me to action on something on which the sentiment doesn't apply i'll anxiously await the right reaction so anxiously so as not to let the time pass by now tell me do you really want to be with me, completely? i didn't think so, pretty baby it's not our time when i'm next to you i just feel guilty for the work you'll have to do to stand here by my side i'm much too immature to take responsibility so i'll have to be a man and set you free
4.
there's nothing at all for me to do my days of make believe are through for now if i pretend my love will all be spent too soon there's nothing at all for me to say to you if not redundant, it would be untrue if you'd pretend your love would all get spent too soon well, if this has wings to fly then let's not weigh it down with elaborate designs and if this thing's so big and bright then let's not cram it into telephone lines i can't tell a lie i can't tell a lie there's nobody else around that's you and if that day ever comes, it won't be soon could we pretend? my love longs to be spent on you though it has only grown to date and if it keeps up, i could afford to wait silently tell me that you'll wait for me but if this has wings to fly then let's not burden it with oversight and if this thing's so big and bright then let's not cram it into telephone lines i can't tell a lie i can't tell a lie don't ask me i can't tell a lie
5.
True Love 00:57
I'm too intent And too intense There's too much time And it makes too much sense There's too much truth And too much cause And too many Acknowledged flaws I love you for you I love you for me I love you because You're already where you should be Without me
6.
Can't you use me for something? Won't you string me along a few months more? Won't you use me for something? I could make your pencils sharper Than they've ever been before I'm so tired of being the captain Of a brokendown ship I'd rather sweep the deck Just as long as you ordain it Can't you use me for something? Money? Power? Sex? Cause without you I'm nothing I sit here all day every day Writing myself bad checks I'm so tired of navigating This pathetic trip I'll come along for the ride Just as long as you're driving I want to be beside Ariana I want to be the b-side of Ariana Can't you use me for something? Won't you use me? I'm not good for nothing I'm not useless. I know this I'm not worthless. I'm reasonably sure of this So use me, yeah Come on and use me, yeah You said you were a Bill Withers fan So use me, yeah For something I want to be beside Ariana I want to be the b-side of Ariana I'm so tired of being the captain Of a sinking ship I'll stow away I don't give a shit Tired of navigating this godforsaken trip Toss me in the trunk It can't be worse than this Can't you use me for something? Won't you string me along a few months more? Won't you use me for something? I could make your pencils sharper Than they've ever been before I want to be beside Ariana I want to be the b-side of Ariana
7.
And maybe you just don't think you have to call When you say you'll call True, no one can force you If you really don't want to But I'm afraid I can't endorse you, darling Oh baby, it's out of my hands Well maybe it's for the best And if you're really dead My condolences And maybe you just wanted to flatter me To bring me down Well, mission accomplished You are a triumphant Emotional infant, darling Oh baby, it's out of my hands I really think it's for the best Oh baby, I'm out of your arms You cannot do me any harm And if you're really dead I take it all back I sang you a couple of love songs upon request And for the last 15 hours or so I've been a nervous wreck But I got this song from you so let's call it even And I really don't give a fuck if you ever hear it If you're dead Please forget what I just said Oh baby, you're out of my hands You're free of my unreasonable demands And if you're dead If you're really really really dead Forgive me, forgive me, forgive me Forgive me for what I've said But if you're alive Darling, if you're really alive You mean nothing to me
8.
Never thought I'd be the one To fall behind with the passage of time But now it's hard to believe That she ever wasn't too good for me I want her back, I want her back But she keeps on racing around the track I see her coming in the rearview Once again she blows right past Many times I had good friends And then grew up and apart from them So many times I had close friends And later concluded they were idiots I never thought I'd be the one To fall behind with the passage of time But now it's hard to believe There was ever a time she would have wanted me I want her back, I still want her back But she keeps on racing around the track It makes me dizzy just watching her I take a deep breath and pull over Stupid fucking unsurpassable benchmark Making me eternally want more And she's lapped me once again Now even I cannot pretend That she's the same girl that loved me then Yet I can't help but feel it when I see those eyes Her freckles are still there (when her makeup's off) And all the love I recall Is still with me after all Makes me think I ought to always Have some chance in this world Never thought I'd find a soul That I would place my own below Never thought I'd meet a girl Who'd make me pale next to her I've never before been one To fall behind with the passage of time So maybe it was charity That made her want to get next to me I want her back, I want her back But she keeps on racing around the track I try to look pathetic as I can But it's too late, she's found a real man This is my strength Make no mistake This is my best I must confess This is my life The depth and the height This is my bliss This is as real as it gets I'm never meant to be the one for her again I'm never going to catch up, she's bound to win I suppose I'll have to stay behind, inside my mind As time goes on by Trapped inside a teenage world Singing teenage songs to teenage girls I want her back But she won't be back around this way Sophie turned 20 today
9.
AC, AL, BN 03:36
Oh if my life was a movie Edit a word or two, and you could show it in the afternoon On Fox Family Channel Oh if my life was to be seen On HBO, the disclaimer would read: "Adult Content Adult Language Brief Nudity" You only get so long to learn how to speak If you don't know by age 5, it's too late, I think You'll never say a word And so, too, have I reached an impasse Gotta learn to love, gotta do it fast Adult content, adult language, brief nudity Don't wanna choose Art over life Don't wanna choose Life over art Won't you help my soul survive My life? Natural selection, well it's hit and miss Why should a man like me look like this? It's ridiculous Based on my IQ scores, I am a genius But I'm 19 years old, and I've never had sex Adult content, adult language, brief nudity Don't wanna choose Art over life Don't make me choose Life over art Won't you help my soul survive My life? Oh if my life was a movie I'd watch it everyday, but I bet most of you fools Would just shut it off and walk away
10.
Damn Me 01:59
damn your ability to make everything alright and curse you for holding out on me well damn me for trying so hard god damn me for not trying hard enough curse me for being so far away damn your ability and lack of willingness to assist in my ceasing to be a mess well damn me for writing this song god damn me for not knowing you well enough for me to have anything else to say damn my fragility, curse your stubbornness maybe i should just give it a rest well damn me for playing this part god damn you for playing yours all too well and shame on me for believing in you still
11.
I'm the one I love What am I waiting for Anybody else for? I'm the one I love Now I know for sure Your leaving only makes me love me more I'm the one I love I've been with me all along With my outstretched hands And my long-term plans Still I gazed out and beyond Falling on deaf ears and squeezing stones But all the years and loves and songs Lie before me And seem to spell it out My epic quest was all in vain I've never been alone, and now I know I'm the one I love
12.
Alt. Ending 03:40
I sat next to your mom and her boyfriend At your concert years ago It was a brilliant one-night career And I miss you even though You never seemed to know or care Save a tiny lucid moment here and there And I waited for you But you never came through And then you moved away to school The headliner was a screamo band I watched you watching them from above They were loud as hell; they weren't half bad They played the soundtrack to my deafening love And I made a vow to myself right then and there "I'm going to bite and scratch my way into her world, I don't care" It was intrinsically doomed I knew I'd never get through And besides, you were moving away to school I thought they'd all been written Your scathing reviews I thought they would protect me But I am not immune And maybe I had it all wrong Maybe it wasn't your fault Maybe I should have tried harder Instead of trying not to try at all Maybe instead of trying to protect myself I should have dove all the way in But the only words that seemed applicable I saw no way of saying So I just waited for you Maybe you didn't have a clue When you moved away to school And if I had it all to do over again I'd say something along these lines: "I'd love to get to know you" or "You're always on my mind" Or "I'm falling in love behind your back," "I can't help it," "I can't hold back," Or "If you please, I'd like to play a song for you. If you spot inaccuracy, give me the truth."

credits

released June 23, 2007

Produced by S.A. Bach
Mastered & mix assistance by Andrew Chapin at Westlake Studios, Hollywood

Songs written & composed by Sebastian A. Bach and published by Straight Pathos (ASCAP) (c)2007

I would like to thank: The fam, Carolina, Arturo, D.Blood, Lonn, John Avila, Daniel Haworth, Bad Dudes, Shareef, Rachel Arnold, Johnnie Cheng, Cassia Streb, Joy Deyo, Josiah Moore, Espantman, Raymond Richards, Matthew Olmos, Cousin Matt the Food Eater, Andrew Chapin, Darian Cowgill, Audri the Great, Adora, Veeeeeeeeence, Alex Galvan, Herb, Nichole Goluskin, Nico & The Cocaine, Johnny Unicorn in advance for being in my band (now you have to)

Acknowledgments & thanks for technical contributions: Roger McPherson, Andrew Chapin, Cristy Troia, Stephen Hull, CSUSA & CSU Fresno, Citrus College, Raymond Richards, Darian Cowgill, A.Paz, D.Blood, + S.V. Bach

Dedicated in loving memory of a younger and less cynical version of myself.

sabach.com
myspace.com/sebastianabach
loafofjoy@gmail.com

PLEASE BOOTLEG ME.

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S.A. Bach Springfield, Missouri

ever-bewildered anti-folkie from LA-via-Branson-via-LA. singer-guitarist-songwriter w/Oh Yeah, the Future (comma is part of the name), The Middle Initials, Star Maps & The Bachs. my name is trademarked :(

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